Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday Oct. 12, 09
The VNA nurse Mary came today. Dad asked Mary lots of questions about personality changes, mood swings, agitation, and hallucinations as Val's persona is no longer her own. Mary suggested giving the Ativan more frequently to keep Val from experiencing such periods of anger and agitation. For all who know Val, she is NOT an angry person. Perhaps, the cancer did metastize to her brain after the CAT scan of her head was done. Perhaps, this is a reaction to ALL her meds she is on (as it is alot). Mary the nurse did mention to Dad that some people become agitated and even violent or dangerous to hemselves. The Ativan can be changed to a different medication if Ativan can't handle these periods of agitation for Val. Val's request from the very beginning was not to suffer with pain; no one expected the suffering of the mind. Dad describes Val as "honery with abnormal behavior"; not violent yet.

As far as Val's day, well Dad and Ryan had her sitting in the chair twice today. She is awake a little during this, but continues to sleep 90% of the time. A new air mattress was placed on her bed to prevent bed sores. Val's water cup will be switched to a sippy cup as she is spilling her drink now ( last night at 3 in the morning all over herself). Rudy continues to read to Val every day while Dad lays in his bed to rest in the afternoon. Val ate two bites of soup and a few bites of pizza that she requested.

For all the days that Val never paid attention to her pets (at my last visit I had to take her hand to help her pet Fuller). They are on Val's mind in this hallucinatory state. Val is asking if there is enough cat food in the house for Diamond as she needs too take it with her to the next house. " I'm going" I've gotta get out of here" I'm taking Fuller" "Where is Fuller". It wasn't Val's agitated, unusual banging on the window beside her bed that bothered Dad today......it was Val's only lucid question...." Do you think I deserve this?" Somewhere in her mind Val is still able to think clearly about her cancer situation. Maybe the agitation is her way of expressing her anger about it...no one will ever know. I only pray the Angels and Saints have surrounded her from within to be with her in her mind at this time; I pray for peace within her mind.

Love and prayers to Val always....Salynn

1 comment:

smitrud said...

Dear Val, Jay and Family. Thank you for the updates, they are hard to read, but they keep me up to date with what is going on. I wish I could do something to help and what I am about to tell you is the only way I can think of helping. When my Mom was dying, she too became aggitated, depressed and had hallucinations. I guess it was part of the dying process, so as such, normal. But it hurt to see that, almost more than the thought of her dying. I spoke with a therapist about how I was reacting to her change in mental status and the desire to be left alone. It realy helped and I learned how to cope with her saying "Go away". It wasn't that she didn't love us, she just didn't want us to see her so sick and dependent. Val looking for her "home" is probley her way of coping with her up coming death, that she'll be okay if she can just get to home. And she will be. The look of peace on my Mom's face when she took her last breath was beautiful. All the emotional, physical and mental anguish was gone. I felt relieved despite being sad. I sometimes wonder if the dying process is harder on the loved ones surviving than it is for the one dying. The time you have left with Val is not going to be easy, find time to share with each other, to laugh, to remember. You all will find relief too. If hospice hasn't mention it yet, they have a great grief counseling program and I would advise you to request some help now. You do not have to be alone in this. I wish there was more to say or do, my heart is very sad that I am losing a dear friend and her family is suffering. Just know that I send my love, sympathy and support in what ever way you might need it. God Bless you. Trudy